10 Years!

When Antonio and I were only married for a few years, I thought that 10 years would be a big milestone, but now that we have been married for 10 years, it doesn't seem that long in the grand scheme of things.  Now it seems like 25 years will be a significant milestone, but I suppose when that rolls around it won't seem that long either!

So what have I learned in 10 years of marriage?  Here are few things that come to mind:

1.  That old advice about "Never go to bed angry" is some of the worst pieces of advice ever given.  Trust me, absolutely nothing good comes from two people who are upset "talking" about it at 1:00 in the morning.  Better to go to sleep and deal with it in the daylight.  Chances are the problem will seem much more manageable.

2.  I don't need to say everything that I think.  As a matter of fact, I shouldn't say most things I think!  Well, if they are negative, that is!  Often times an issue that seems a big deal at the moment will end up being moot in a day or two, so best to not say anything.

3.  It is possible to feel this most incredible love for someone one moment, and then to want to kill them the next (this is true with children as well!)

4.  Having someone to depend on, who shares your worries and goals, is an incredible feeling.

5.  With each year comes more and more inside jokes which makes life even more fun!

6.  After only 10 years, I have realized that we can make it through tough times.  We can be furious at each other, but I know that at the end of the day, we still love each other, and as the saying goes "this too shall pass."  And it always does, and it just makes it that much easier to deal with the next time either one of us messes up.

7.  I can't rely on someone else to make me happy; I have to do that on my own.  If I want to lose weight, only I can do it.  If I want to have a fun hobby, only I can do it.

8.  The rosy view I have of myself is not always so rosy if I think about it from Antonio's point view.  Simply being nice is the best way to have a happy marriage, and when things are tense between us, most of the time if I am honest about it, it is because I am not being kind in my words or attitude.

I guess I could sum it all up by saying that in 10 years of marriage I have learned that the old saying is true:  "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!"  I find that when I follow that principle, life is pretty darn great!
 
For our anniversary we went away for a few days to Huntsville, Alabama.  We started thinking about where we'd like to go for our anniversary at the end of last year, and Antonio mentioned this place he had seen on the TV years ago, called Unclaimed Baggage.  Whenever an airline can't return a bag to its rightful owner, it is sold to this place.  Here is a blurb from their website:

"Our sprawling 40,000 square foot store has many departments for you to explore for incredible bargains and unexpected treasures.  You can wander the entire store or use the map to make a beeline for the specific products you want."

Sounds pretty cool, huh?  Well, we were very excited and so we thought it would be a fun place to go see and being as it was on the way to Huntsville, home of the US Space and Rocket Center, it was a perfect weekend trip!

The weather was unbelievably perfect, and the drive smooth.  So when we arrived at the Unclaimed Baggage Center (which was packed, despite the city of Scotsboro being completely run-down and mostly vacant), I was still excited to see what lay inside.  As soon as we walked through the doors, the excitement ended, and we just had to laugh!  It was like a big Goodwill (although, not that much bigger than Goodwill, to be honest).  It had that junky look, racks full of clothes WAY too overpriced (I kept saying to myself, I can get a better outfit for half the price, brand new at JCP!!)  We had planned this entire trip around coming to this place, only to spend 30 minutes there, but we got a great laugh out of it.

I am clutching my purse in this picture (in case you were wondering what I am doing with my hand!)

Antonio browsing the DVDs.

 Some of the electronic devices for sale.

So we drove on to Huntsville and checked in at our beautiful hotel, right next to the Space Center.  Here are some photos of downtown Huntsville at Big Spring Park.

We walked around beautiful downtown Huntsville Saturday night. 

Antonio took this great shot of a bird in a tree over our heads.

This bridge and all the cherry trees were a gift from Japan to the city.

A view from the bridge of the giant goldfish in the pond.




On Sunday we went over to the Space and Rocket Center.

The Space Shot ride was included in the museum entrance fee.  The museum was not very crowded at all, so I rode the Space Shot 3 times.   I probably would have ridden it more, but they would only run it with a minimum of 3 people, and there weren't that many people getting on the ride! 

The second time, Antonio took a video.

I know this might only be interesting to me, but I found the computer memory used on the Saturn V simply incredible!  This is a picture through a magnifying glass showing the woven wires.  If you look closely, you can see little circles around each intersection of wires.  What is even more incredible, is when you realize that these were woven BY HAND, and they are SO TINY!!!  Look at the rest of the pictures for an idea.  I took pictures of the explanation as well.











And while we were enjoying our vacation, our children were enjoying a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa!  Everyone helped out building a fire pit.

The need for affection

I was telling my brother Jacob that I have little blog posts that I compose in my head about various topics that never actually make it to my blog. 

But as I was saying in an earlier post, I am going to try and write more of these random thoughts down for future reference later.  I am curious to see how much I change in time.  Oooh, that leads me to a tangent that maybe I'll write first...

Tangent #1

I was listening to a fascinating news story on NPR a while back about people's perception of their beliefs and how they change.  What they consistently found was that people (whether age 18 or 80) thought that the set of beliefs they had would be the same in 10 years.  Of course it makes sense - people believe what they believe because they think it is right, or better, or the truth, etc....  If they didn't think that, then they would change their beliefs, right?  HOWEVER, life experience, compassion, etc do change our set of beliefs, and so in the study it showed that although most people acknoledged that their world view/belief set had changed since 10 years ago, most wouldn't admit that their beliefs would change in 10 years.  Ask a 28 year old if they have different ideas now than when they were 18 and most say yes, but ask them if they will change their ideas much by the time they are 38 and they say "no!"

Fascinating!  Just goes to show how self-righteous we human beings are that despite seeing change in our very own lives, we can't imagine that we will change more as we grow!

On a personal note, my own beliefs have changed rather dramatically in the last 10 - 15 years, and I am quite curious to see how they will change in the next 10  years.

Okay, so back to my original musings:

I was thinking about human interaction and affection - specifically touch.  This came to me as my children were sitting in my lap and I was rubbing their backs, they were giving me kisses and I was generally enjoying their warm little bodies next to mine.

In the human sex drive, how much of that drive is for the pure sexual need and how much is for the human contact need?  If we were to break it down, what would the percentages be?  I propose that it is at least 50/50.  If we consider the anecdotal evidence that a woman's sex drive significantly decreases after a couple of years of marriage, I wonder if these could be related?  In magazines and such, women often say that it is because they are too tired, stressed out, etc to engage in intimate relations with their husbands.  I wonder if it is not more accurately attributed to the fact that after a couple of years of marriage, these couples have children, and mothers get loads of physical affection and contact from their children.  So perhaps it is not that the women's "sex drive" is really decreasing, it is that in the past, sex was the vehicle to both sexual AND affection fulfillment, whereas after bearing children, her children are in large part fulfilling her need for physical contact, the result being that her sex drive is only being "driven" by pure sexual need.

My fascination with the need for human physical contact really started on my mission.  As a missionary you don't really get any physical contact.  There is a lot of hand shaking, the occasional hug when your companion is getting transferred, but generally speaking, it is a very antiseptic (for lack of a better word) lifestyle.  After I had been a missionary for about a year, I remember sitting in church on Sunday, next to a member and for the life of me I can't remember her name right now, although I can picture her clear as day.  Anyway, we were sitting there and she put her arm around me.  What happened next totally surprised me - I started crying!  It wasn't until then that I realized that it had been a year since anyone had even really touched me in any sort of affectionate way and I was overwhelmed with emotion.

That really affected me and has made me think so differently about our elderly neighbors.  How many of them live alone, with no physical contact?  When is the last time someone held their hand?  Or had a child cuddle in their lap?  Or had someone rub their shoulders?  Makes me want to bring my kids to a retirement home so that they can share their hugs with others.

Valentine Craft

You may have noticed that I painted the kitchen.  It is now a light blue, with a greenish tinge - sort of like an aqua.  I really love it and don't miss the red wallpaper at all!  I painted this frame to match and my plan is to change out the art by the season.  This is what I created for Valentine's Day.

Baby Shower

I hosted a baby shower for our new neighbor, Anya.  She is from the Ukraine, and doesn't have any family in the country.  She is a great person and I was glad to do the baby shower for her.  The theme was pink and green (she just had a girl).

These baby hats were knitted by Anya!  She is a really talented.

 All the guests got a little party favor of one of these boxes with a pecan pie inside.  The blankets on the table were also knit by Anya, as well as the baby booties under the dome.

Unfortunately, I got very sick with a virus right after the baby shower and ended up staying in bed for the next several days.  I was venturing down to the living room to play with the kids and Quinton took a video of Domenic singing with me.

Day Trip to the Kennesaw Train Museum

Antonio got us a great deal to go to the Kennesaw Train and Civil War Museum(strange combination, I know).  We went on a Saturday when they were having a "Trains, Trains Trains" special exhibit.  All I can say is, thank heavens we went during the special exhibit!  The museum only has one train, granted a very important train in Civil War history - "The General" (I hope I am remembering this history correctly), but it would have been terribly dull without the miniature train sets they had for the special exhibit.

Okay, so that was a lot of pictures of the boys looking at trains.  Afterwards, we thought we'd drop in on my parents as they live close to Kennesaw.  They were on their way over to Jacob's house, so we ended up dropping in on Jacob instead!

The kids had a great time playing with Savannah.  Here are a few shots of them playing oustide.

And a video of Domenic "racing" down the hill with Quinton's help.