The need for affection

I was telling my brother Jacob that I have little blog posts that I compose in my head about various topics that never actually make it to my blog. 

But as I was saying in an earlier post, I am going to try and write more of these random thoughts down for future reference later.  I am curious to see how much I change in time.  Oooh, that leads me to a tangent that maybe I'll write first...

Tangent #1

I was listening to a fascinating news story on NPR a while back about people's perception of their beliefs and how they change.  What they consistently found was that people (whether age 18 or 80) thought that the set of beliefs they had would be the same in 10 years.  Of course it makes sense - people believe what they believe because they think it is right, or better, or the truth, etc....  If they didn't think that, then they would change their beliefs, right?  HOWEVER, life experience, compassion, etc do change our set of beliefs, and so in the study it showed that although most people acknoledged that their world view/belief set had changed since 10 years ago, most wouldn't admit that their beliefs would change in 10 years.  Ask a 28 year old if they have different ideas now than when they were 18 and most say yes, but ask them if they will change their ideas much by the time they are 38 and they say "no!"

Fascinating!  Just goes to show how self-righteous we human beings are that despite seeing change in our very own lives, we can't imagine that we will change more as we grow!

On a personal note, my own beliefs have changed rather dramatically in the last 10 - 15 years, and I am quite curious to see how they will change in the next 10  years.

Okay, so back to my original musings:

I was thinking about human interaction and affection - specifically touch.  This came to me as my children were sitting in my lap and I was rubbing their backs, they were giving me kisses and I was generally enjoying their warm little bodies next to mine.

In the human sex drive, how much of that drive is for the pure sexual need and how much is for the human contact need?  If we were to break it down, what would the percentages be?  I propose that it is at least 50/50.  If we consider the anecdotal evidence that a woman's sex drive significantly decreases after a couple of years of marriage, I wonder if these could be related?  In magazines and such, women often say that it is because they are too tired, stressed out, etc to engage in intimate relations with their husbands.  I wonder if it is not more accurately attributed to the fact that after a couple of years of marriage, these couples have children, and mothers get loads of physical affection and contact from their children.  So perhaps it is not that the women's "sex drive" is really decreasing, it is that in the past, sex was the vehicle to both sexual AND affection fulfillment, whereas after bearing children, her children are in large part fulfilling her need for physical contact, the result being that her sex drive is only being "driven" by pure sexual need.

My fascination with the need for human physical contact really started on my mission.  As a missionary you don't really get any physical contact.  There is a lot of hand shaking, the occasional hug when your companion is getting transferred, but generally speaking, it is a very antiseptic (for lack of a better word) lifestyle.  After I had been a missionary for about a year, I remember sitting in church on Sunday, next to a member and for the life of me I can't remember her name right now, although I can picture her clear as day.  Anyway, we were sitting there and she put her arm around me.  What happened next totally surprised me - I started crying!  It wasn't until then that I realized that it had been a year since anyone had even really touched me in any sort of affectionate way and I was overwhelmed with emotion.

That really affected me and has made me think so differently about our elderly neighbors.  How many of them live alone, with no physical contact?  When is the last time someone held their hand?  Or had a child cuddle in their lap?  Or had someone rub their shoulders?  Makes me want to bring my kids to a retirement home so that they can share their hugs with others.